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she can’t remember a time when she felt needed // tmi tuesday #23

Happy Tuesday again! Hopefully this week I will have time to go around reading other people’s responses… I knew summer would be busy, just didn’t expect it to start so early! In the meantime, y’all can enjoy my responses to this week’s TMI Tuesday questions.

1. Answer Yes or No:
I Regret My First Kiss – No… It’s not that I regret it, I just don’t really remember it. I didn’t find it memorable or earth-moving or anything. I think at the time it was a big deal and I told myself I would remember it, but I don’t.
I Miss My First Love – No. At least, I don’t think so. When I think about on the first person I loved (like, know deep in my heart I loved, not just dated), I don’t really feel anything. If anything there’s still some lingering resentment. At times I miss the people we used to be and the way we used to be, but that feeling is fleeting. The opposite of love is indifference, after all.
I Married My First Love – No. Thanks for rubbing it in my face that I’m not married and nowhere close. That makes me feel good inside. At least I don’t wish I were married to my first love now.
I Loved Someone That Didn’t Love Me – Yes. And if you answer anything else I will hate you.

2. Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which you will explain or define for us now?

Honestly not something I’ve really thought about. I don’t really have any evidence that one is better than the other; the way I always think of it is that I don’t know that polyamory doesn’t work. I used to think that, though logically polyamory made sense, emotionally I was entirely devoted to one person. After a while that sense faded – when you get burned enough times (and in my case it didn’t even take that many times), you stop trusting anyone who shows interest in you. They’ll sleep with your best friend, they’ll tell you you’re not Christian enough, they’ll tell you they’re married, they’ll find someone taller and prettier and skinnier. Why devote yourself so completely to someone who is more likely to hurt you than to protect you? And even when I was emotionally tied to one person, there was never another person to give any attention to – I simply wasn’t interested. Whether I wasn’t interested because I’m inherently monoamorous or because I convinced myself I was or because I just really didn’t find anyone who met my standards because I’m incredibly picky is uncertain, of course, but the point is that I still don’t know that either is better than the other and the way I should live my life.

3. Your partner is in the mood for sex and you are tired – what do you do?
a. Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.
b. Trade. You give me a massage… and we will see…
c. That would never happen!

To be honest, I’d probably perk up at the promise of sex, but I should probably at least try to get as much as I could out of the situation.

4. Does your partner mind if you masturbate, in bed, when they are there?

Depends. I never really went into this with most of my partners, but my last one would not have minded at all.

5. Describe your typical sexual romp:
a. You are playful and tame
b. You have occasionally introduced a few things like outfits and toys
c. You love trying new things and shocking your partner

While it’s true I love trying new things, my partner strongly influences the type of sex we have. Guys tend to want to start out playful and tame – and let’s be honest, so do I until I know them better and trust them more. But unfortunately, most of my partnerships end quite early. Either I don’t enjoy the sex, they don’t enjoy the sex, or I lose interest in them outside of the sex. The only partner I’ve been with long enough to do more than “boring” stuff loved outfits and toys, and I loved sharing with him because I knew he wouldn’t complain or judge me. I’m sure I did a few things that took him by surprise, and most of them he liked, but we also had sort of tried and true methods for having good sex that we were loathe to not do. Why fix something that’s not broken, right?

Bonus: What was your best ever masturbation experience. Why was it the best? Describe.

The best? I’ve never thought about that. I sort of remember really good ones, but I’ve never sat and compared them. All my really good ones involved either phone sex or Internet sex because… well, call it cheating, but it was like guided masturbation. Once it was “awww poor thing you’re so sick here let’s cuddle oh and now you’re thinking about groping me.” One week we called each other early in the morning before work to have wake-up phone sex. A couple of times we had the opposite – just-home-from-work phone sex. I also had some very good hotel room Internet sex that involved sexy voicemails being left while the hotel staff slid my bill under the door of my room. And he’s sent me some very nice pictures and left me some very nice voicemails that I’m always going back to whenever I’m in the mood – one of my favorite things about my iPhone is that I can scroll down and pick out the voicemail message I want to listen to 😀

(This week’s image from sexy-yetclassy on Tumblr. Click the image to visit!)

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no one else could do it better // tmi tuesday #18

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Hello everyone! I hope this Tuesday finds you well. This week’s TMI Tuesday is about filling in the blanks. I worked really hard to come up with a way to make that dirty, and failed miserably. Oh well. Maybe next week.

1. I’m the type of person that likes to be comfortable in bed.

Which, by the way, is totally true. Sinking into a nice mattress and sheets is one of the best things ever.

But okay, more in the spirit of the question – I’m the type of person that likes to be submissive, spread out and used, worn out in bed.

2. If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would die of embarrassment.

Actually, I think I misread the question. That’s just if the sexiest person I can think of propositioned me.

If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would flirt and be coy while taking off my shirt.

3. The worst part about the lights being on when I am naked is you can see everything.

I have this weird thing about lights on during sex. I can’t stand it. Sex during the day, while it’s naturally light, is fine. But I just don’t like having all the lights on at night. I have no idea why. Snuggling is fine with lights on, fooling around is fine with lights on. As soon as my clothes come off though, I expect the lights to get dimmer. In fact, even if my clothes don’t come off, I expect the lights to go off too. Which is totally weird since I don’t mind walking around naked during the day, but hey. We’re all a little bit crazy.

4. I regret my first reciprocated love.

It’s really sad to me to think that I regret loving. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that a little part of me does regret it. I’d loved before but it ended horribly and was overall just a mess. Despite all the problems I could see, I let myself fall in love again with someone who said they loved me. I still believe they did (do), but given the way he ended things I can’t help but wonder sometimes if he really meant it. I know he did, and I know I have only myself to blame because I knew there was no future and no way out but to be hurt, but I think that’s why I regret it. I knew better, but I did it anyway. I was asking to get burned. And I can’t believe I was that stupid. I deluded myself into thinking that because he loved me he’d change his mind about us. I wanted it so badly that I ignored all common sense and good judgement.

I don’t entirely regret it. I don’t even wish it hadn’t happened, because it was magical and special and wonderful and everything that I’d been waiting my whole life to feel. But there will always be that twinge of regret because I let myself get so caught up.

5. The last sexual/kinky thing I expected to like was being on top.

To be honest, I’m not entirely convinced I do like it. But I like the response it gets from guys.

6. Recently, I sexted/sent naughty pictures to someone.

That requires no explanation 😉

Bonus:   You have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do?

Enjoy it? I don’t really see the point of trying to escape, it’s not like they’re trying to kill me. I’m sure they’ll let me go when they’re done with me, and it doesn’t sound like there will be any lasting damage.

(Image from dystopiantt on Tumblr. Click on the image to visit!)