thinking ’bout us

I absolutely love lingerie. I can’t get enough of it. Recently I’ve preferred buying lingerie – which I have virtually no practical use for – to buying clothes of any kind. I discovered today that I own zero suit skirts. I have no idea how I’ve gotten by this long without one; I suspect that I’ve been wearing the same two pairs of dress slacks with my variety of blazers and vests. The point is: I need clothes, but I don’t buy them. Instead, I buy lingerie.

It really started as a joke in college. My first roommate and I agreed that we’d one day own a wardrobe of only sexy panties. For me this mainly means things with lace, frills, and unnecessary sparkles and/or bows. Cotton is really not sexy to me, though if it’s soft enough and a cute color then I do get a kick out of it for its presumed innocence. I’ve been slowly working towards this goal ever since, buying a few pairs here and there as I find them and fall in love with them. Of course, I should simultaneously be throwing out old and worn cotton underwear that has outlived its usefulness, but apparently some degree of frugality runs in my nature.

Plus there are just times when cotton undies are necessary.

I just love the way different fabrics and shapes feel against my skin. I like the way mesh is soft and makes my jeans and slacks fit more comfortably. I like the way lace leaves no seam-line so I can wear it under skirts. I like the way cheekies are just too cute, and the way that a bikini cut makes me feel sexy but covered. Satin-y fabric is slippery but gentle. Ruffles can bunch but they can also peek out for a certain someone to see. The variety is incredible.

But, in general, despite the now famous line about black underwear being meant to be seen, I mostly bought sexy underwear for myself. Even when I finally started buying cute bras (it took me until my sophomore year of college before I bought a bra that fit – I had previously been squeezing into A cups when in actuality I was a C) they were mostly for me. I liked the way they felt, I liked the way my breasts finally looked right and filled out certain cuts of shirts and dresses, I liked the way that I was finally comfortable. And I loved knowing that I was wearing a cute red bra or one with little bows or one with lace trim. It made me feel good, sexy, and confident. Which, considering that I had never quite had the “right” kind of body or shape, was saying a lot.

Years went buy, and finally I started thinking about what I wanted a potential partner to see. I bought my first lace bra (with a nude underlay, so it wasn’t totally useless) because I started seeing someone. It turned out to be a moot point, but from them on there was always an aspect of someone else seeing. What did I want them to see? And how much did I really care?

As it turns out, not that much. Even when I found myself single not long after, I bought my first babydoll. It was adorable and on sale, and surprisingly comfortable. I’d bought some slips and chemises before, but only a couple, and only because it was so damn hot in one of my dorm rooms. I could sleep in this babydoll. I loved it. And yes, I loved knowing that should I ever need to show it off (it hid some of the parts of me I hated the most well) it was there, but I liked just having it for myself.

I wore sexy lingerie whenever I needed to or just felt like it. Presentation days? Check. Test days? Check. Meetings with my thesis advisor? Check. (Suddenly I realize that sounds kind of… dirty.) Even just days when I woke up and felt kind of gross and low. The right pair of lacy underwear could really brighten my day. I’ve even worn some cute corsets out to regular, every day activities. Given the choice, I’d wear it all the time. It just wasn’t very practical to wear into the field on lab days. And I don’t do laundry enough to wear it on the days I stay home cleaning or lounging. (But wearing sexy underwear under a soft pair of pajama pants? Feels awesome.)

Sometimes when I was with guys I wondered if they even noticed. They were so anxious to get my clothes off me. They sometimes asked if I was going to take off my lingerie. Now that I think about it, I suppose I should have been flattered that they wanted to see me naked (I don’t even always want to see me naked). But I really wasn’t at the time. I felt so pretty and interesting with sequined babydolls and lace-trimmed slips. Why would they want to take that away from me?

Now that I have dedicated myself to one partner I find myself thinking more and more about what he would like. Because believe me, he loves lingerie. I used to buy things just because I liked them. I still do, but over Christmas I found myself debating between two babydoll/panty sets. One was much more flattering; the cups gave my breasts more support, and it was a dark color so it hid my problem areas better. The other was pale pink (I have a lot of pink lingerie – does everyone?) with rhinestones. It flattened my chest a bit, but what really convinced me was the panty. I just knew he’d love the ribbon bow at the back (he’s such a sweetie and thinks that my ass is great. He has yet to convince me of this, but he’s pretty on board with anything that allows him to stare openly at my backside), so I got it.

It’s not that now I buy things I don’t like. It’s just that now I always think about whether or not he will like it too. (Yeah, he really likes that black pair with the gold sequins.) For the first time I really have an audience to show off to, and I’m sure as hell not going to waste it.

Why do you wear lingerie? EdenFantasys wants to know! Their theme for the month is #sexyYOU, and answering that question on Twitter, Facebook, or in your blog earns you entries into their weekly contest. Visit their website to find all kinds of fun lingerie, from corsets to panties to garterbelts to costumes! My wishlist of lingerie is getting longer as we speak. And I cannot afford this habit!

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Posted on March 16, 2012, in thoughts and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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